Thursday, October 2, 2008

Carter's Crew and Forest's too

I am always amazed and humbled to the point of tears at our amazing family and friends who gather to support us in this walk every year. Whether you donate money to JDRF, wear a Carter's Crew T-shirt, walk with us, or simply live life with us, from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU! I can never tell you what it means to my little man and our family to see people wearing shirts and standing beside him. In situations that you can't "fix" standing quietly beside your friends means more than anything.

Today more than ever, I am wanting a cure. You get to a point where you become a little "numb" in order to maintain any sense of "normal". However the reality is this disease NEVER goes away, NEVER takes a break, and at ANY moment can get out of hand with NO warning. Our reminder of that came this morning when Carter's pump crashed. The battery part of it continued to power down sending out this unnerving alarm that could be heard over the entire house. I replaced the battery and it started up again only to do the same thing within 5 minutes. After a phone call to the pump manufacturer who asks very intelligent questions such as "Did you check the battery?" and "Has the pump been dropped?" (Um let's see to the first question YES and the second I am sure it has been dropped a million times as he is an 8 YEAR OLD BOY!!!) Needless to say a quick refresher course must occur as I had to fall back on shots. After the first injection of 6 units of Lantus and then trying to configure the insulin ratio to his carb ratio that literally changes 10 times a day, I am already worn out. I spent half the morning on the phone conversing with the diabetes care team. Carter is asking for Apple Juice and other food and I am losing it with my patience....thinking and impatiently saying WAIT... you can't eat anything yet until I add all the carbs, find the syringes, check the date on the insulin bottles, find the inject a pen, and then give you a shot. Thinking all the time to myself, and Laura if you screw this up he is going to crash (go low and have a seizure) or get really high. The irony to this thought is that can happen even if I do everything "right". So he did indeed crash after the first long lasting insulin injection. We got juice and food down him and got his blood sugar back up. This afternoon he was running in the 360 range with a headache. I drew up another unit and a half to correct him. We will be seeing a lot of each other tonight as I will sneak into his room, turn on the flashlight and prick his finger just to check his blood sugar and make sure that he will wake up "okay" tomorrow morning. Tomorrow I will sign for the pump that is being over-nighted to my house and we will get hooked back up to our "artificial" pancreas. I will take a deep breathe and thank God again for the research that has been done and the fact that a mini computer can figure out all of these things instead of me for another period of time. I will grieve a little bit longer tonight with the reminder that this is continuous and does not end until we are home. Then I will rebuke myself of my self pity and say a prayer of gratefulness for God's amazing provision and faithfulness to meet me right where I am at. I will also pray that somehow, I will be changed from my sinful, selfish, angry ways and that God will use this all for His glory in spite of me.


Marci said...

It is an honor to be a part of this event with you each year! I LOVE it!

Laura J. said...

Ditto what Marci said! :) We love you guys!

Courtney said...

so sorry about the broken pump and crash and needles and all that. hope his pump is fixed and he is okay now.

love the big group pic! :)

Tx3 said...

Honey you did a fantastic job with this. I am so glad I am on this journey with YOU. You are an amazing Mom and Wife. I Love You.