Waiting, Melting, and Being Challenged

"I wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory; The rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. " Psalm 62:5

One of the hardest things to do in life, is to wait. Especially for me. I have NO patience. Our very nature wants what it wants when we want it. When our deliverance from a situation seems to take longer than we think it should, the battle rages in our mind between trust and fear. This is exactly where I am, in a battle between trust and fear.

My husband got home Tuesday night from his interview and he said it went well. Yeah! This would normally be good news for most people. I just happened to choose that moment to have a spiritual and emotional "melt down". See, I didn't get as much information from him as I would have liked. (Wives do we ever?) I also realized in that moment, that I had another unknown date to wait for until he A. got a phone call that offered him the job and B. well you know, the other alternative. Inside, I was broken that we didn't seem to be any closer to the end of this particular journey and honestly I was a little peeved.

After Carter's diagnosis and all of our crazy history, I rarely cry any more, but the past few days I think the flood gate has broken loose. My husband is unsure of what to do with me and is keeping a healthy and safe distance. He really is a wise man :) I can relate highly to Psalms 69:2-3 which states "I sink in deep mire, Where there is not standing; I have come into deep waters, Where the floods overflow me. I am weary with my crying; My throat is dry; My eyes fail while I wait for God." As I have been chewing on this verse, I realized that my eyes do NEED to fail me. Because if I look at my circumstances with human eyes, I can mire in worry, anxiety, and fear but If I trust in His Name, His AMAZING Provision and His plan for the Robertson family then I have no fear. It is through this journey that Faith is being built, prayerfully His character being developed, and I am being changed more like Him and less like my selfish nature.

I also realized that I am such an Israelite wandering in the desert. God has continuously blessed our family in amazing ways and yet, I am still quietly grumbling over His plan. So I had another heart to heart today laying everything out on the floor broken in front of me. The I don't want to move from this house, I don't want to move from this city, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to...you get the picture. (Yes the house IS God's house and I would give it up if I am called. Honestly, I am just too darn lazy/weary and tired to pack up this family of 6 for the 6th time in 8 years. Especially now that my awesome momma organized my house and I can actually find something and we just planted a garden). I digress. The underlying root of my three year old rant is lack of TRUST in my Lord and still fear of the unknown. As I was reading today through different articles on learning to wait on God, I was reminded of David who throughout the Psalms had to convince himself anew EVERYDAY that God would take care of him. Of course I am thankful that I literally am not being hunted and marked for death, but I was reminded of what a spiritual battle that I am in. My eyes need to be blinded to the things around so that my HEART can worship and Trust in God's Amazing Plan and His Amazing Provision, no matter where that is or what that looks like. Hmmm, easier to write out than to live out in the flesh:)

Isaiah 30:18 "Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him."

Isaiah 26:3-5
You keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you.
Trust in the LORD forever,
for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock.

Lamentations 3:21-26
21 But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:
22 The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
23 they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 "The LORD is my portion," says my soul,
"therefore I will hope in him."
25 The LORD is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.
26 It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

Psalms 27:13-14
I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the Lord in the
land of the living
Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the LORD!

I will end with this quote mainly for my own benefit!! "God is never late, but seldom early".

Praying Today for My Husband

"All Your Worries" by Thao Cosgrove
www.scrapgirls.com

God's Amazing Provision for Our Lives

"Wait Upon the Lord, Be strong and take Heart and wait upon the Lord" Psalm 27:14

We have been waiting upon the Lord for His provision of a job for Jim. It has been hard for me to wait but it has challenged my faith and courage to know for sure that my amazing God is really who He says He is. God's provision for our everyday needs has blown me away and strengthened Jim and I in countless ways. Below are some of the things I have learned and the amazing ways God has provided for our needs and humbled my heart.

First of all, I have learned with every hardship comes blessings. Our blessing through not having a job right now, equates lots of family time. Though there were growing pains to begin with, we have adapted into quite a comfortable routine. I love having my husband home and watching him interact with the kids. I also love having him around for myself as well. We are the best of friends. Bionic man is also a pretty handsome guy and it has been great to fall in love with him all over again. We have had really good discussions, challenged each other spiritually in different areas, handled the kids like a professional parenting team "What did your dad say about that?" and also fought like cats and dogs :) Which in turn reveals my sinful nature and the need I have for my Savior! I will really miss him when he returns to work full time :) (Which again will be a HUGE BLESSING!)

One of the things Jim and I have learned over the past few weeks is how faithful God is. During a precepts bible study with Carter this month, one of the topics we discussed was not taking the Lord's name in vain. Exodus 20:7 states "You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not leave him unpunished who takes His name in Vain. The lesson went on to say "Taking God's name in vain is the opposite of hallowing it. When you take God's name in vain, you are disbelieving, denying, and distorting the truth about God. The name of the Lord is not just a title, but it is how God makes Himself known to us. His name tells us WHO He is. It tells us about His character.

When you don't believe what God says about Himself, then you are taking His name in vain because you are thinking wrong thoughts about Him. An example of disbelieving God would be to say, "God , doesn't care about my needs." Did you know one of God's names means He is our Provider? So when you say God doesn't care about my needs, you are thinking wrong thoughts about God and are disbelieving Him and his provision. You are taking His name in vain. "

Kay Arthur "Lord, Teach Me to Pray for Kids" p.42

Jim and I were both kind of stunned with that. It sunk in that when we allow anxiety and worry to creep into our thoughts about the future and how are needs are going to be met, we are literally taking His name in vain by not trusting in Him as our Jehovah Jireh (provider). So every time we start to get anxious about a job, money, insurance, health etc...we remind ourselves and each other who are provider is. And you know what, in comes this amazing peace and sense of security as we have been learning to lean on God.

On that note, I want to share some of the AMAZING ways God has provided for our family during the past month or so. Some of this has been hard for me to except as I feel like we are not desperate, deserving because there are so many others who are suffering, or poverty stricken. God has been teaching me though to rely on Him for everything moment to moment. This is one area, he has really stretched me in.

First, a friend of ours provided us with half of a cow for our freezer.

Second, we had grocery money given/forced upon us for two weeks worth of groceries. I say forced because it was SO hard for me to except it thinking we didn't need that just yet...we still have savings and severance to live off of. Now in July, it may be a different story :) But God was providing manna for us and so I praised Him for expanding my box of comfort.

Third, our garage sale was overwhelmingly fruitful. Huge praises to my mom who gave us hours of her time to force me to reconcile with the stuff and chaos in my house! When we were done, I even alphabetized our books and CD collection.

Fourth, a friend called me out of the blue and gave me a load of new or hardly worn size 8 shorts and clothes for Carter that are "so cool and camo".

Fifth, we were able to get our air conditioner fixed in the suburban for under $100. WhooHoo! Your body does adjust to wind and warmth but it is really nice to be cool...actually I am freezing now but what a blessing! We were willing to go without a.c. this summer thinking it was going to be a thousand plus expense.

Sixth, a dear friend dropped off bread in our mailbox from the Harvest Bread Company.

Seventh, our electric meter apparently wasn't working for a time. The guy who checks the meters, knocked on the door last month to let me know he was replacing ours. I was really nervous thinking our bill was going to be ASTRONOMICAL. I prayed about it and when I got the bill this month, we had actually been OVERPAYING and our bill was only, drum roll please...$8.00. Seriously only God can do that!

Last, I wanted to stop at Sonic the other day during happy hour, my wise husband looked at me and I realized that it was really not a "need". We came home and walked in the door and what do you know...our neighbor called out of the blue with 2 large cherry limeades that he bought for his family. Apparently, when he got home with the drinks, his family was not there. For those that know me, I really was blown away by this little "coincidence"

My point is that I have kept God in a box for way to long. I have been humbled and blown away by His love, grace, and continued provision and protection of our family. I was able to challenge a friend the other day going through a difficult trial and questioning her need for control over finances and need to make money. I asked her "Is God really who He says He is in your life, if He is than you have to release control and trust Him to provide." He will do it in unbelievable and surprising ways and He will met your NEEDS. Sometimes not your "wants" but your needs.

On that note, Jim has a job interview on Tuesday that we would appreciate prayers for. If this is the new tapestry that God is weaving in our lives, I will have a very cool story to blog about :) This interview has been in the makings for almost 5 months now. God has impressed the lesson on my heart of waiting for His timing and praising Him in the meantime. Please see my earlier posts. The interview was scheduled almost 4 weeks ago. Again, I had to put on my waiting stance. I realized though that this has given Jim's hair an opportunity to grow out over his incisions and will help him avoid the questions of "Did you have brain surgery lately or what !" So that is probably a very good thing :) We are really excited and hopeful about the opportunity for Jim to possibly work at this company. It has some really neat Godly men and is still located in Oklahoma :) So if it is God's will, please pray that He will find a place to use my husbands talents in this company for His glory and be offered the job. We continue to "wait upon the Lord, and be strong and take heart, and wait upon the Lord." Psalm 27:14

I also have another prayer request regarding Carter's pump supplies. We have a very low supply of transfer sets which is the tubing that connects from the pump to the infusion set he wears in his body. I called the diabetic supply office trying to get a refill on just the transfer sets and apparently the company quit selling those individually. I heard as well that they are discontinuing the pump that Carter wears. (You would think I would get better at changes, but this one is hard for me). Long story as short as possible, I have to get a new script from the doctor tomorrow to try and beat the insurance clock so that we can continue to get the supplies covered under Durable Medical Equipment. Without that approval, his pump supplies almost equal a small house payment. :( So if you would pray for that to be approved that would be very helpful. I know regardless, God will take care of my little man and all of his diabetic needs. I take comfort in the fact that God loves and cares for him even more than I do. He is in His hands. I also know that He alone will provide for Carter's needs. I am sure I will have a neat story to share about that as well :)

We are still here, waiting upon the Lord for His plan and His purpose for our lives. We appreciate your prayers. He is Good all the time, All the Time, He is Good!

John Waller - While I'm Waiting Lyrics

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Spring Cleaning Mania! Beware

This is Little Red and the contents of her purse aka hidden treasures. Can you believe all of the stuff she crams in there and all of the RANDOM things she does put in there! It is really fun when she carries it to various places and proceeds to empty the contents and play with them. :)

It has been a while since I have posted. We have been busy tearing through our house and cleaning with my mom's amazing help. I have seen places of this house I have not seen since we moved in. My poor mother..."she didn't raise me this way" but let me just say with four kiddos, homeschooling, and really LIVING LIFE everyday in our house chaos sometimes wins over. So she put on a brave front and kept us going and working through the worst of it. Sometimes, I wanted to close the door and NEVER look back. I had that feeling in the girls room. The little packrats had "stuff" everywhere. Let me warn you it was quite the challenge. After 5 very long hours, we had things sorted, trashed, and piled in heaps for the garage sale. Little Red still has her "stash" to keep her sane with her 5 year old nesting habits but I can finally breathe relief when I step in their room.
Emma's box of stuff?

Things we found under the beds and in the corners of dark, scary places :(

Making progress. Emma is just like me and wanted to take off constantly during the cleaning process. We both are way to easily distracted!

We got it done and 3 weeks later it is still in fairly good shape. That makes me peaceful. Mainly because I don't want to go in that room again and do it over.

Our Fieldtrip to the Oklahoma Aquarium April 2009

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Happy Easter

Here are my two Easter Eggs and bunnies decorated all by themselves for Easter. I don't think I could have done a better job myself! Below is a picture that just cracks me up. I secretly love chickens and miss my Bantam hens a lot so this picture always gives me lots to smile about.

I have been spending this week reflecting and looking toward the future. Some dear friends and I are going to start studying Revelations together. The song "People get ready, Jesus is coming soon we will be going home" has been burned into my mind lately. To me Easter is the most important time of the year as I reflect on the gift of LIFE that I have been given through my Saviour. This world is temporary and soon we are all going home. I am excited!




Lord I'm ready now,
I'm waiting for your triumphant return.
Your coming soon.
This world has nothing for me, I find my peace and joy soley in you.
(Only in you)
I want the world to see, your alive and living well in me.
Let me be apart of the harvest, for the days are few.
Your coming soon.
So people get ready, Jesus is coming.
Soon we'll be going home.
People get ready, Jesus is coming to take from the world his own.
Peple get ready, Jesus is coming.
Soon we'll be going home.
People get ready, Jesus is coming.
Soon we'll be going home.
(We'll be going home.)
There's a day that comes,
when we will be divided right and left...
For those who know him (those who do not know)
Those who know him well will meet him in the air HALeLUja!
God is with us!
Those who do not know...
They will hear, "Depart.. I know you not."
For all my friends, you see...
There will be a day when we'll be counted..
So know him well.... Know him well!
(Chorus)
To take his own (to take his own)
To take his own (to take his own)
We'll be going home ( We'll be going home)
We'll be going home ( We'll be going home)
We'll be going home!
For my friends, you see
There will be a day when we'll be counted.
So know him well, Know him well!
(Chorus)
People get ready!