Sunday, September 16, 2007

Swimming with Thoughts

I am swimming today. I am having a hard time keeping my mind on task to accomplish the things I need to do. I feel like canceling every activity we have going on this week and hibernating in my house. Getting out...going out...wears me out. The kids are tired today from a busy but yet great weekend. They are cranky, whiny, and crying. Jim called from Minneapolis. Told me his face is drooping and feeling like pins and needles. I am wondering why the Dr. won't start him on some strong Prednisone. I am praying the results of the MRI come back quickly tomorrow morning and that he is able to get into the doctor sooner than October 9th. All these questions are swimming in my mind. I am very concerned about him traveling so much the next few weeks. I am worried it is going to wear him down physically even more. What does life look like for us right we need to slow down...bow out...Is that what Satan wants us to do?

I love to be all alone and here the sound of quiet....but tonight the anxiety of life is welling up inside of me. Me who never sits down couldn't seem to rise up from the chair to even mop the kitchen floor. I can totally see why people turn to drugs and alcohol as an escape from reality. I want to escape the reality of life occasionally. I don't want to be a whiner and complainer...but the questions of what next medically are beginning to plow me under. I am blessed with dear friends and family that help to watch out for Carter...which is so wonderful when I do get distracted. Funny though....I KNOW that I can't handle all of this....I KNOW that God didn't give me this plate for me to handle either. It is only in HIS strength and HIS grace that I personally will be able to move forward with the next minute. He knows that if I could handle this....I would and wouldn't choose to lean on Him. I am so glad that our awesome Lord only gives us life minute by minute. The future of today and tomorrow are in His hands. On that alone I rest. Lord I pray for Dr.'s with wisdom and insight over Jim's health. Lead them and guide them towards answers and the proper treatment for his body. Father I pray for divine intervention from you to HEAL Jim and restore health to his face, joints, and body. I know that you can do this. Please Lord make this man whole in You.

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